Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
