I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
