If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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