I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
They took my balls.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
