Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
