Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
