I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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