I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
