Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
