I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
