Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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