I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
