is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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