Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
