I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
