U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Randomize
