i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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