I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
