i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
