drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
