Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
