college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you will always have a special place in my vag
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
