OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
