Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
