Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
