I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
