She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
