i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
