I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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