shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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