It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
