He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
