I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
