we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
