Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
