The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Someone signed my nipple.
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