What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
