I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
