So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
40s are totally the cure
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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