Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
is it fun? or sober?
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