it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
