And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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