WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
