Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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