So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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