go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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