she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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