So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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