ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
