she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
