hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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